Do to my rant the other day about bullying in school (click here) I really felt it was important to discuss the blessings in loving our children. Loving our children seems to be a given. Don’t we all love our kids? Of course we do, but how often do we continually exercise this love. Are we constantly telling them “no,” correcting behavior, asking for respect, don’t touch that, don’t hit your brother, don’t you talk back to me, go to your room. All of these statements ring oh so true to a parent. Teaching your kids respect and love is probably the hardest job out there. We are responsible in grooming our kids so that when 18 short years later, they will maneuver through this world with aspirations, respect, confidence, encouragement, and feeling a place in this big world. How often do we teach our kids through actions verses words? Unfortunately I hate to say it but our actions take precedence most of the time and not always in a positive way.

Do we love our spouse the way they deserve to be loved, giving tender, compassionate love? These are the times we want to hold dear and in the forefront of our minds. When I stand at my own gravesite tomorrow or 80 years from now, I want my obituary to be a positive influence to those around me. When my kids stand at my funeral to speak about my life as a mother, I hope they only have positive things to say about my love for them and their father and the influence I had on those around me! I don’t want to live with regrets. I want to make this life not ordinary but EXTRAordinary, who’s to stop us, only we are our biggest battle.

Carolyn Mahaney once said “Motherhood can be both exhilarating and exasperating. It can present us with a delightful experience one moment and a baffling encounter the next. There are days when we can’t imagine doing anything more rewarding. Then we have days when caring for our children feels anything but significant.” The moment in the hospital when your baby is plunged into your arms an immediate love overpowers you and strengthens your desire to care for this infant no matter what life brings. The miraculous life that has just been handed over to you gives immediate protection and indescribable love. No one needed to come along side my husband and I and teach us how to love our precious bundle. It just happens. Over time, things do change, our patience gets tested, the never ending cries of the newborn, sleepless nights, terrible 2’s, 4 year old tantrums, 10 year old disrespect, and you got it….those teen years that baffle your mind to no end. Has your love changed, absolutely not, but has your attitude changed? Our affection can quickly fall to the way side as parenting tends to take over.

Let’s try and mesh parenting into a tender, passionate, affectionate love that God has called us to with our children. This type of parenting will forever change the hearts of our little ones, discipline through godly love and tender affection is what our children are craving. Their little minds struggle to express their feelings and emotions and need a safe haven to develop those outlets. How as a husband and wife can you begin to implement this change in your family, well for starters begin with one another. My husband and I saw this in a movie once and it was pretty funny but we actually saw a lot of truth behind it. This little boy told his sister “hey that was a put down, you owe me 3 put ups.” I can’t remember the movie it was in but it stuck with us. We use it jokingly but in reality it’s a very positive thing to do. How often do we give positive feedback throughout the day, you will notice your perspective change simply by implementing three put ups. It may sound childish but we all need to bring ourselves back to reality and not think we are above the right to be respected and give respect.

Proverbs 13:24 states that lack of discipline is a result of hate. No one would use such words towards their children, but why do we think its okay to allow them to rule our families. They need constant correction and love to gain a healthy perspective on life and boundaries needed in this world. Tenderness will soften anyone’s hearts, especially our children’s. If we discipline in love and always end with a hug and a kiss, they will one day see our reasoning for our actions and ultimately still feel that love from us as parents. If we discipline out of anger and hatred their precious little hearts will tend to grow hard and calloused. Unfortunately this is true in our own family, my husband grew up in a very tough environment, and not an ounce of tender love and affection was given to him, precisely the opposite. My husband longs to give that tender love and affection as that was never passed on to him. I’ve seen him struggle with something that is a direct result of his parents. Why can’t we spare our children everything possible and do what we are called to, and hold our children with the highest level of commitment. I heard it once said, we would lay our lives down for our children, but then why aren’t more parents choosing to be involved with bettering themselves, so in turn we will positively affect our children’s lives. I thought that was so profound. How can we honestly raise up a child in the way he should go, if we aren’t going in the correct way as their own parents. Let’s not be shy to the fact that we all need some teaching throughout our lives, whether that’s in retreats, counseling, mommy groups, daddy workshops, etc. Take the opportunity to grow yourself and your marriage to better love our children with that tender, compassionate love they so deeply desire.

I know my son is only 14 months old. I haven’t encountered the terrible 2’s, 4 year old tantrums, 10 year old disrespect, and those teen years. But what I do know is that every day that passes with my son, I know I hold dear. I treasure the opportunity to be home with him, capturing these precious moments as each day passes knowing I am his biggest influence, his biggest advocate and his biggest fan. As he is my first and only child right now, I long to get this down to the best of my ability by preparing for those years to come. I want to begin that tender, affectionate love now, so I don’t have to learn once we’ve gone too far. My confidence is in the Lord, each child needs to be parented to their personality but that doesn’t mean at 14 months old, my child shouldn’t be parented with that tender love as well. He’s just now learning that there are consequences to his actions, he doesn’t understand why, but he knows there are certain things he can’t do. Probably the best stage to start the affectionate love as he doesn’t understand that he can’t hit me directly in the face out of excitement. Teaching these new boundaries are not easy but I want him to feel a bond and respect towards me as we embark on this journey together.

Moment of Truth:

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

We are given the tools; take heart as we embark on this journey of being blessed by our children and blessing them back. We have this hope, now let’s use the tools God has promised!