Tag Archives: learning

Raw Emotions

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 11 April, 2014 1 comments

Many of you know my mother-in-law passed away this last Monday evening. My husband has had quite the journey with her the past three months and decided to be a guest speaker for me while she share the feelings and emotions through losing a loved one. Not only losing a loved one, but someone who was young and a mother, wife, sister, grandma and someone who had years left to live.

My husband is taking this journey with us and sharing the last two weeks of what he has gone through. Please welcome my dear husband Michael!

I am sitting here with the craziest of emotions. Up then down, down then up. I cried and cried and cried yesterday, thinking that my mother was on the cusp of dying within a few hours. I drove home from work to pick Tiffany and Cooper up to head to the pain management care facility for hospice, dreading what we would encounter; a lifeless person without saying goodbye. Lucky for us, she was still with us and without all the pain she had been enduring for days. She was completely sedated and convulsing as we weren’t sure if she was going to make it through another night, let alone hear what we had to say. I finally went into the room and sat down and just sobbed for minutes, telling her I was so sorry for what she is going through, telling her that it’s okay to let go and that there is something better for her outside of her earthy body. I also had a chance to speak with her without any filter and through raw emotion on what thirty year five years of my life meant to me and how she has been a part of it and how she shaped me into who I am today. Although she didn’t know it, she had shaped me in many ways even throughout the past 27 years we hadn’t spoke. I know there has been a couple years of bad history between her and I when she reconnected with me, but through all the pain, I wanted to let her know that I forgave her and that I loved her very much and appreciated the life that she provided me.

image

Her poor body has been taken over by cancer. She looks ENTIRELY different now than before cancer took over. This shows you how deadly it truly is. :(

What I have today is simply because she gave me life. As of more recent, I have come to a point in understanding what love truly means. I guess I never showed it nor truly spoke love to my mother when we reconnected 5 years ago because as of that night while she laid helpless in the hospital bed with machines connected all over her poor body, she whispered in my ear “I thought you said I am a terrible person.” One of the only things she said to me while her body was shutting down. What a shockwave to think that’s the way she believes I feel about her. Sure I have had my anger outbursts with her, sent abrasive emails and had terrible phone calls. Yes, all out of hurt and anger for so many things that have happened to me over the years. My selfish being got the best of me to the point that I couldn’t see anything further than my hurt and my pain that I have endured. I never chose to see that she had made peace with everything in her life and that there was nothing else she could do after all these years. I finally came to the realization a few weeks ago after an email response she sent me explaining and apologizing for her role in what had happened to me; that she was truly sorry. I heard those words she whispered to me yesterday and realized that she still thought I had this chip on my shoulder towards her and what has transpired, yet I felt quite the opposite about her and the past. It’s done…. She has gone through enough in her life and has earned the respect of everyone she now encounters. She deserves the peace and happiness that we all seek in life, the unfortunate thing for me, is that it took her dying to realize what that meant and why each one of us are a blessing and can do so much for one another. It’s a breath of fresh air, it’s that feeling you have towards your loved ones and it’s your life itself. She needs to know my love for her and respect for her apart from the mistakes we ALL make in life. We need to step back for a moment and reflect on times like these and simply be thankful for one another because that’s all we have; one another. In a quick blink of an eye, you may never have that opportunity again, live your life to the fullest, loving and caring for the relationships that surround you.

If anything, her death has and will continue to change my life and change me for the good. If I don’t let this happen, I am simply taking her name in vein. We must step up and do something with the relationships that surround us for them to mean anything. Don’t waste your life.

Tomorrow I will be sharing a poem that struck me to the core while at hospice watching my mother helpless in bed. A poem that meant so much to me and taught me how to slow down. Soak in the moment that we have without all the questions and “what ifs.” Please join me again tomorrow as I continue to share a little bit about what I am learning through the death of my second parent. It’s a journey alright, and one I am willing to share!

Mommy and Me Time

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 12 January, 2014 None comments

I had a girlfriend ask me this morning for new activities to do with her 18 month old. She said she feels as though she gets stuck in a rut and the same routine can become challenging for her active little girl.

I decided to compile a list of structured activities that I do with my 18 month old. Here are a few:

      • Coloring: Cooper enjoys scribbling and most of all putting the cap on and off. I try and draw a picture and explain what I’ve drawn; sun, water, birds, grass, trees etc.

image

      • Sorting “puff” balls by colors. You can get them at the dollar store.

image

    • Kitchen bowls filled with different items i.e. different beans and pasta.
      Letting them stir these items and transfer to different size bowls helps them feel as if they are involved while you cook. You can also use three or four different Tupperware containers that they can match the lids to as well.
    • Allowing your child to help bake with you.
      Yes it becomes messy but is very enjoyable for them. I was rolling out pizza crust and Cooper sat on the counter playing with the flour. Mind you the kitchen looked as if a snow storm hit. It was actually really fun to watch him “measure” the flour.
    • Playing with my button jar. I have a jar full of buttons for decoration but Cooper has turned it into a toy. :)
      This allows him to see different sizes and learn colors. Also teaches him how to sort and place them back in the jar

image

    • Playing with his farm
      Learning which sound goes with which animal.

image

  • Water sensory activities
    Fill a shallow tub with water and let your child play with different objects while not being immersed in the water.
  • Letting your little one help “fold” clothes or put them into the washing machine or dryer. Cooper enjoys handing me the clothes that I am folding and he enjoys me handing him socks or shirts to stuff into the dryer or washer.
  • Shapes and sizes. If you have a toy that is for matching shapes or wooden puzzles this helps them feel like they accomplished the task.

image

Just a few ideas! I used to teach at a Montessori school and engaging the children as young as 9 months made me realize how young children can be in order to comprehend activities that seem beyond their age. Every child is different and every child will learn at their own pace, but engaging them in activities helps you learn what they are soaking in.

The little children at the Montessori school were able to sit at a table and chair for meal time. They knew if they got up their food would be taken from them which reinforced them to stay sitting if they were hungry. We also taught sign language for basic concepts such as: please, thank you, all done, more and eat. I’ve taught this to Cooper and it has been entirely helpful.

The whole concept of Montessori thinking is to engage our children at a young age to do it on their own, ask for help and be creative with their toys and imagination. I agree with parts of the Montessori thinking and think some of the ideas are very productive while others can be, well- shall we say simply not my style. Every parent has to learn what is best for them and their child.

All in all I have noticed that routine can be challenging for our little toddlers when it comes to toys. They want to be played with, learn how to “do what we do,” and have different activities on different days.