This song was on the radio this morning and im not sure who sings it but the words held in my head for a bit. “Make me lonely so I can be yours until I want no one more then you Lord. In the darkness I know you hold me.”…boy has this been utterly true. Almost too true I didnt want to face this reality.
It’s interesting that this world is so horrible at times, yet even in the midst of the pain we still pray to stay alive. But why? Wouldn’t it be easier to all quit and go to heaven and avoid all the pain? This was my thought as I slowly begin to process this past week. Even though the three of us went through it all together, I believe my fear was selfishly driven from fear of losing my son and being left behind. The tough reality in knowing that he is ultimately the Lords child is a wake up call in the midst of tragedy. This was a trusting moment as I was in the hospital pleading with the Lord to not take my son away. This was a moment of trust, a moment of insecurity, and a moment of doubt.
Do I believe the Lord will hold all things together for the good of those who love Him? To be honest I am still struggling with that thought, had he taken my son away from me I do not know how I would feel. I want to trust the Lord in every aspect of life, but when your faced with life and death, is your faith in your son or in the Lord? I pray that I never have to experience that brokenness but to simply learn to be thankful for what I have today.
Moment of Truth: I pray that I will learn through the present circumstances to be thankful for the life I have been given and the son I have been blessed with.
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