Tag Archives: baby

Part II-Series of Traumatic Events

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 15 April, 2014 1 comments

As we were released from the hospital it wasn’t simply because Cooper was better, it was because he was not nearly as dehydrated and reached a psychosis state that became dangerous for him. His age range can not comprehend what is happening around him, but he can comprehend enough that tells him he is scared and wants to go buh-bye.

His hallucinations were beyond terrifying for me. I am his mother and there was NOTHING I could do to calm my child down. This was a horrible feeling and a “bad mom” feeling as well. Knowing I wasn’t a bad mom, you feel that way in the moment because your job as his mommy is to rescue him from the unknown. As time progressed in the hospital we only saw these hallucinations become more frequent and lasting longer. It was definitely scary for us as we were utterly helpless.

On our drive home he was completely quite and exhausted. He refused sleep even than. This part confused me as I knew he had been awake for 36 hours now; why wont he sleep? The combination of dehydration and lack of sleep only made this worse. Hoping once we reached home he would start to feel safe once again.

I laid him to sleep only for him to wake back up 2 hours later with another episode. My wishes that these were over were everything but true. At that moment I was beyond desperate and extremely tired myself, the only thing I knew to calm his little soul was to place him in the car and drive. After driving around aimlessly for an hour and a half I finally came home. The many stops while on our drive was anywhere and everywhere to continue to force liquids down his little mouth. He hated it so much that actually keeping him strapped in his car seat was helpful for me. It was beyond sad to have to “pin him down” to get fluids in him, but it was way better than living in the hospital another day.

Having to give him 10 syringes an hour took up the entire hour. As soon as I reached #10 I was so excited only to see the hour started all over again. Being home had its pluses but definitely was consumed with ONLY tackling him down to fill his little mouth with fluid. It was so horrible! He wanted to play so badly but had no energy to do so that he would get upset. It was so sad as a parent to watch this all unfold. Hoping for a good night sleep we had everything but that.

He proceeded to wake up every hour and a half and Michael had just come down with the terrible cold I had that caused Cooper’s hospitalization. It was a wretched night all over again and full of terrors. Finally, the morning approached and we were back to the syringe once again. He still wont drink fluids and I was confident we were not returning to the hospital due to dehydration. So, our day was consumed all over again.

Here we are day three home from the hospital and things are finally a little brighter. He slept through the night and decided to eat a donut hole and cake pops but still refuses liquid unless I syringe it. Not sure what this is all about but he lets me syringe him fluid but still refuses to sip on his own. It’s tiring. It’s time consuming. It has worn my patience immensely thin and it’s not his fault. My exhaustion has finally set in even after a decent night sleep last night that I found myself getting so irritated with Cooper this morning as he only wanted to be held.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to dress and shower when this takes place. Reminding myself that we are home, he’s eating a little even though it’s not healthy and he is allowing me to force fluids; I need not complain. After losing my patience while trying to blow dry my hair, I realized I am not delighting in what I had been yearning for; to be home and have a healthy little boy. Though he isn’t entirely healthy yet, he is on the upswing.

Moment of Truth: Reminding myself not to get caught up in the little things but to be grateful for the little things. AND I am entirely blessed that I have the bestest friend and sister to supply us with a couple dinners not leaving me to worry about such things.

Sweet Dreams Little One

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 19 March, 2014 None comments

There is something so powerful that happens for me as a mother to watch my little man sleep.

The precious breathing, beautiful face, calm presence and perfection lying before my eyes. His sweet little body snuggled so tightly to his blanket while his mommy rubs the small of his back. Longing to capture that moment as if my eyes could take pictures. Pictures that only a moment can describe. A picture truly is worth a thousand words, yet that same picture holds no depth that that current moment so intently held.

“Look Mommy a Kitty”

I can’t capture the deep love I have for my son in words. I must honestly and humbly say, I think only a mother truly understands. The deep protection, longing and heartache that follows a mother is only the beginning of what raising a child is all about. The precious moments, the moments you take for granted, the frustration of discipline, the joys of laughter, the snuggle time, the cute little language developing, the precious kisses and hugs, the beauty of reading and holding your child is just a small portion of all the emotions that encapsulate being a mother.

“Truck, Truck” while on a coffee date with Mommy

Sometimes when the craziness of life sets in, I begin to regret the moments I didn’t soak in as I know he is growing up and will only be my little man for so long. One day I wont be able to kiss him anytime and all the time, I wont be able to hug and snuggle him, pick him up and hold him tightly. These are moments that will pass and before they do, my goal is to try and hug and kiss him beyond measure that I get so sick of it (this will be impossible and that’s exactly my point). Not letting wasted time pass, but enjoying the present and not wishing it away!

Baby Powder that caught his attention while daddy snooped for ice cream!

I love you more than life Cooper John and can’t believe you are almost two in 3 months!

Moment of Truth: Relish in the present even when life becomes chaotic and you wish all your kids could take a nap at the exact time so you could clean the house or feed your tummy. Delight in your children, they are blessings!

Opps!!!

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 22 February, 2014 None comments

A total mom moment. Unfortunately this shows how my day went yesterday. A bit crazy!

Bath time

Mommy please take my socks off.

Please mommy!

Yay! Socks off and lots of playing to do!

Little Cooper Man

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 14 February, 2014 None comments

Oh the sweet sounds of a toddler filling the backseat while we drive through town. The precious coos and tiny giggles that have officially transitioned a great deal into small words and loud laughter filling the air with his precious voice. My loves only grows deeper as each day passes. Just when I thought I couldn’t love any deeper, any harder, or anymore, I am utterly surprised as each day approaches and the depth of my love that continues to take place.

My reality of losing my baby has been very tough for me; the snuggle time, gazing at my precious sleeper, the little smiles and tiny fingers has officially passed. My little baby is only growing and becoming a delightful little toddler. I am beyond surprised how much he has grown over night; literally over night. His vocabulary has flourished since yesterday. His interactions with me has become so much more “conversational” I use this word lightly, but the depth of this little personality and humor has just begun. We are barely scratching the surface of this amazing, gorgeous, precious, sweet, humorous, silly, goofy, lovable, huggable and kissable little one.

The little things are the greatest things to me. I realize how much he has learned and the growth is immeasurable. He continues to surprise me.

This morning while driving to church I hear little words coming from the backseat. I kept hearing “ah, ah, ah, ah” and as I look back in the mirror he is signing “more” as I have taught him sign language beginning when he was 5-6 months old. He has mastered the basics. Trying to figure out what he wanted more of I was quite unsure as he hadn’t eaten anything since being in the car. I ask if he wanted his milk and he quietly says “yup…moooo.” (moo is the best he can do for milk) A few miles down the road I hear “mama, mama, mama” and as I glance back I see him reaching out his hand trying to hand me his milk. He had finished drinking and instead of tossing it on the seat next to him, as he used to, he has learned to hand me things when he’s done with them. I was beyond shocked as I realize how much he is advancing and how quickly it all falls into place. This moment gave me joy that I absolutely love and couldn’t fill without him.

Yesterday he loudly shouts “UP!” and uses it all the time. It was so precious last night how he signs “please” and shouts “up!”

Last night at dinner daddy and him were playing games and he was shouting “UP!” as daddy tossed him into the air. The giggles that came from this overly joyous baby simply melted my heart. “This is all I need in life” I think to myself.

I love these two men more than words can describe. I am beyond grateful to watch my little boy grow and develop and continue to snuggle with me praying that never goes away. He’s a little lover and loves to give love and kisses.

I love you Cooper John!

Motivation or Lack there of

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 7 February, 2014 None comments

My problem the last couple of days has been an utter lack of motivation. My motivation the last couple weeks has been everything but eventful, downright awful. My lack of energy has been extremely discouraging. My poor son seems to be beyond bored as mommy is in a rut with the same toys and activities and the family is eating unexciting meals as I haven’t planned my menu for a couple weeks. I have avoided the grocery store at all costs as I haven’t wanted to plan my meals in advance which in turn keeps me from stepping into the store.

Watching the snow fall from the inside…

Watching the neighbor girls play and sled in the freezing cold

Simply not old enough to know what he is missing when the snow falls…sweet baby!

I’ve also been meaning to workout this entire week simply finding other things to do. I have convinced my husband to workout with my tonight as that will force me to follow through. He is a workout maniac. :) I’ve also convinced him to take us on ‘date night’ tonight to the grocery store; Cooper included. The amount of snow we have incurred is insurmountable for Portland especially with how dry the snow is. We have literally been dumped on. The problem with Portland is we don’t know how to clear roadways of snow and unfortunately Oregonians believe in “saving the planet” which means no deicing trucks until the weather has already accumulated an immense amount of snow or freezing rain. ;) I grew up in a small town where getting 2-3 feet in a day or two wasn’t unheard of but the roadways were ALWAYS clear; snow plows, sanders, deicers and people knowing how to drive in such circumstances.

It’s been years since I’ve had to really worry about driving in snow and as I headed out today the anxiety welled up inside of me. My son in the back seat of our new car, unclear roads and a couple hills to conquer. The anxiety in my gut felt horrible that I felt myself become that ‘Oregonian’ I hadn’t believed I was. ;) I must say they need snow plows for each town not simply for the freeway. It is beautiful outside but the cabin fever I fear will begin to kick in partially through the weekend if we do receive freezing rain forcing us to remain inside.

Although my motivation is nonexistent my house is extremely clean. I spent most the morning sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, cleaning toilets, kitchen sinks, laundry, dusting baseboards, and the trim around the doors as well as making no bake cookies. Even though my motivation has been lacking a great deal, a dirty house does not suite my fancy and chocolate is always an encourager. I have felt well accomplished today as I choose to partake in these activities; probably because they aren’t hanging over my head anymore and the snow has kept us indoors.

Another part of my lack of motivation is my tummy has been incredibly hurting and I’m unsure why. Could it be the cleaning this morning, shocking my system back to reality or maybe it was all the no bake cookes I had this afternoon filling my tummy so full that I couldn’t eat lunch. I could keep the list going but unfortunately I feel I could be fighting a bug…I really hope not but it’s definitely a high possibility. This also helps encourage me to remain unmotivated as I do not want to make myself sicker; I must force myself to relax. ;) HA! Oh the excuses run deep today, so deep I felt they needed to be shared.

Moment of Truth: Take time to relax, eat chocolate and know the house is clean! :)

Baby Weight Gain

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 10 January, 2014 None comments

This morning on Good Morning America there was a clip about Alyssa Milano and her weight gain of 55 pounds during her pregnancy. She was bashed by comedian Jay Mohr expressing that she “just doesn’t care.” He used some profanity while sharing his “feelings?” He did apologize later when Alyssa addressed him about it and said he went too far. But whose to judge and why do people do it? We are out to make ourselves “feel better” and more empowered.

This drives me to the brink of insanity especially coming from a man. No man could handle a pregnancy; gaining weight, mood changes, exhaustion, back pain, and nausea. Oh and a little thing called labor which requires a women to push a baby into the arms of their doctor. There are many times I do wish men could experience what we go through as they will never gain a full understanding on what it takes to create a little baby; a life is created.

There is a massive disconnect when it comes to pregnancy, unfortunately men simply can’t understand what takes place. Even though men can’t full gain knowledge over this circumstance, they still can support and watch the transition through 9 months of what the human body experiences. My husband was great! He couldn’t feel my pain, my nausea or my utter exhaustion but he was able to support me and take care of me while I journeyed through the unknown path called pregnancy.

All this to say, some people gain an immense amount of weight while others only gain baby weight. What does it matter? In the big scheme of things the most important factor should be caring for your unborn child by being healthy. It’s really hard work to grow a baby and to stop cravings. They say the exhaustion that occurs is equivalent to running a marathon. Being healthy is the most important part to growing a baby but there is also that fine line of gaining too little or not enough. How dare a man judge a women when they haven’t lost all their baby weight the day after delivery. They say it takes the same amount of time to lose the weight as it took to gain the weight. I really feel for the women in the media who are particularly judged because they are supposed to be anorexic and how dare they have a baby and not bounce back immediately.

Jessica Simpson was also in the spotlight for her weight gain. She has the best attitude and knows she has curves. She had curves when she was tiny in Dukes of Hazard and still has curves as a mama. I honestly believe women who don’t bounce back immediately like Kim Kardashian are real and show the world they are no different than us. We all have struggles and it’s entirely unfair for us to post judgment on a celebrity because they are famous.

Until a man can experience pregnancy and child labor they have no right to place judgment on women for their job at creating life and the transition our body goes through to create this miracle. It’s completely unjust for these women to be in the spotlight for weight gain. These women are real women who have feelings and are not exempt from struggles of life because they are celebrities.

There’s my rant of the day! :) I really struggle with media and that’s why I don’t read about it through magazines or watch much television. I can’t handle the gossip.

Pregnancy Joys, Miscarriage Woes

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 20 December, 2013 None comments

It seems so natural to think about all the baby joys of pregnancy and laugh (maybe months later) at the thought of morning sickness. However, it seems that many people also struggle with the woes of tragedy in a pregnancy as well. I’ve known too many people in the last 6 months who have not only been pregnant and delivered healthy little ones but also those who’ve experienced tragedy. It breaks my heart as I see the hurt and pain they experience while waiting anxiously for their precious bundle. When that dream isn’t fulfilled my heart aches for them. I also have a couple friends who have even struggled to become pregnant while they see people like myself who had a “surprise” pregnancy. Watching “surprise” pregnancies do not help them with the feelings they experience within their own trials.

Trust! We have to trust that the Lord has a plan for all our precious babies out there; the ones that are born and the ones He takes home very early.

If you’ve read my pregnancy story you will understand that my pregnancy was super easy, but delivery was my nightmare come true. Here I am today, two blood transfusions later and I have a healthy little boy who is about to turn 18 months old and I myself am healthy again, so I think. I went in a couple days ago for my annual check up, refill my prescription and to get a flu shot. Unfortunately I experienced quite the surprise on Sunday before my appointment. I found out I had a miscarriage. The utter shock of emotions pulsing through my body was unexplainable. Tears of sadness flooded my eyes as my husband and I questioned what had just happened. The traumatic experience was definitely something I will never forget. Walking through the hallway at the Hospital after the news pierced my heart, I quietly look up at my husband and utter the words. We both walked stoically through the remainder of the white, cold hospital hallway to our car.

Not quite sure how to respond to the news as Sunday was very traumatic for our family and by Wednesday I was unsure what emotion to express as my assumptions had been affirmed. Since I believe life happens at conception, than the reality is I lost a precious child that would have been a brother or sister to Cooper. Knowing my baby was unable make it through a healthy pregnancy and is now in the lap of our Heavenly Father, comforted my soul.

The outcome hasn’t changed, I’m still very sad about our circumstances as my emotions are trying to paddle quickly to reality. Though I didn’t cry when the news was confirmed, is was not because I didn’t care but simply because the loaded sentence spoken to me, held life and death all in one short sentence. The power behind a miscarriage is much stronger than I had realized until now. I’ve known a few people who have gone through this tragedy but having gone through it myself, puts a huge perspective on the feelings that flooded my soul in this one short word. The questions, sadness, shock and cold feelings that are experienced became much more than words but a reality that I am no longer pregnant; I lost a child.

Being a mom and hearing the words of losing a child is unfathomable. I grasp my son in utter love and protection, wishing no harm to ever come upon him. I want to protect his soul even more than I had previously; if that is at all possible. Being a mother has placed a love inside me that I simply couldn’t obtain without having my son. You never know the depths of love you can hold for a child until you cradle them in your arms. The deep protection and fear you hold to guard their tiny heart is unimaginable. I’m blessed and thankful to experience these feelings. Having known what I am missing is more challenging but on the same hand brings complete love pouring on my son as I am blessed to have him.

Now had I been able to plan my own story for my life it would have played out a bit different: I would meet the man of my dreams, fall in love, get married, begin my beautiful family and live happily ever after. The end!

Seems so simple and proper. Although this wasn’t my reality, it was a dream of mine since I was very young. The real life story played out as this: I got pregnant with a man I barely knew, rushed dating him to get to the nitty gritty of whether we loved one another or not. We fell in love in the process of my pregnancy, got married, and had Cooper John.

HOLD IT…..this isn’t the story I had wrote for my life, this wasn’t how it was supposed to play out. It was extremely difficult being pregnant and learning who my spouse was all at the same time. Logically my story seems to be the better of the two plans. We didn’t know one another so why didn’t I miscarry back then? Why now?

Hindsight is always 20/20. Had I not had Cooper when I did, I would be an entirely different person and in an entirely different place in life. As I recount what actually has played out in my life, Cooper was beyond a blessing and actually healed my own soul in many ways I would not have experienced without having him in the timeframe of which we conceived. As hard as it has been to get pregnant out of wedlock, I must say I would NEVER go back and change the scenario as God has faithfully allowed my life to take the course in which it has. Through that, I’ve come to Christ, which has changed my lifestyle one hundred percent, I’ve been blessed with my adorable son, my now husband, and a life I would not hold had things happened any differently. I needed to become pregnant 2 years ago with Cooper for me to understand I have been blessed immensely. Timing was everything. Cooper was meant to come two years ago, not today.

With that in mind, we all wish our cards would play out differently to avoid heartache and tragedy, but I believe most circumstances in life bring us back to a dependence on Christ. Just as my story played out entirely different than I saw fit, I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it. Now, I’m not saying that going through these things has been easy. Most of them have been beyond joyful, thankful, protected, and faithful circumstances even the tough ones; there’s still something to be thankful for in the midst of pain. I have peace and am thankful and confident knowing life brings immense trials but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

The bigger picture here is that there is ALWAYS a reason our story takes paths we never expected or wished we would travel. But God allows them in our life to keep us humble and to learn more about ourselves and His faithfulness. Sometimes we will gain a perspective as to why particular tragedies occur but often we don’t. I may never know why I had this miscarriage and that is okay. What I do know, is that God is faithful and will use it in my life in one aspect or another. I also know that God has blessed me with my already born child and my role as a mother is to guard and protect his heart. I’ve been given Cooper to take care of him and love him; this has to be my focus and my place of rest.

I heard it once said “cracks in the heart allow the light to shine through.” Most of life requires some heartache to see the light in the midst of the trial. Heartache brings perspective and allows the focus to be reassembled.

Thankful for my little bundle of complete joy. I love you Cooper John!!!

Moment of Truth: Rest in peace knowing you do not have to know all the answers. Trust that God loves you and is taking care of you. Rest in His peace and stop searching for answers that don’t fit the bigger picture.