Passion Crumbled

I’ve been reading a book by Larry Crabb called Shattered Dreams. He talks about the impossibility to truly know Jesus until we face trials of many kinds; shattered dreams. He proclaims all throughout the book about what it means to feel Jesus, hear Jesus, and rest in His presence.

“Shattered dreams are never random. They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream…Larry Crabb retells and illuminates this sometimes disturbing and often profoundly touching story, we are shown how God stripped Naomi of happiness in order to prepare her for joy. And we gain an unforgettable picture of how God uses shattered dreams to release better dreams and a more fulfilling life for those He loves.”

I’ve wavered back and forth on whether I truly agree with everything in his book, but I tell ya, he’s a tough cookie to crack. He has multiple points, great stories and real life experience. As I continue to read each page, I begin to feel conviction. Not conviction that I shouldn’t have dreams for my life, my husband, marriage and son, but dreams that when I see shatter before my eyes, I need to rest in the Shadow of His wings and find Peace. God meets us in our weakest, most desolate places of our soul. He longs to revive the passion we so desperately long to feel. He longs to fulfill our dreams beyond comprehension. And He will. It may not be had on this earth, but when we see Christ face to face, our dreams will forever be met with no tears or suffering. Our long-suffering will be worth every tear we cried, every sorrow had and we will be forever with Christ never seeing our dreams shatter again. What a miracle, literally a miracle.

This world does not hold such an idea of no pain and sorrow. Our eyes become wet more often than not. The news of a newborns death, fatal car crash, suicide, crumbled marriages, broken families, false gods and spiritual warfare are ever so present. We only dream of a day that no pain exists anymore. Our minds cannot comprehend such an idea.

As I was reading this book, I found myself not wanting to believe that pain brings us closer to God. I immediately wanted to put the book down and never turn another page. I felt as though the more pages turned, the more pain I would encounter that I so desperately wanted to avoid. Deep down, I know God doesn’t work that way; playing on the battles of my mind. But I still wasn’t ready to embark on another terribly painful road. I wanted to stop on the side of the path and take a breather from the past 3-5 years of hardship. I wanted to hear God speak to me that I’ll receive a break, but as each page turned, I realized though the hardship of the past 3-5 years was painfully difficult, the miracle that resided within the pain is my relationship with Christ. Going deeper with Christ, knowing Christ and desiring Christ. That is how I would sum up the past three years if I had to. Yes pain resided. Yes heartache was to be had, but the joy of knowing my Savior and His deep, unspeakable love for me, His child, was beyond comprehension that only He could allow me to feel. Had I not walked the road of hardship the past 3 years, I would not know Christ the way I do today. And let me tell you, I have barely cracked the surface of who Christ really is.

My passion for Christ was not crumbled but ignited. The deepest parts of our soul is where God so desperately longs to meet each and everyone of us, but we tend to put guards up and quickly get through the pain we are currently experiencing ever so quickly to move on to the next phase in life. We are called to rest, seek and know God. He desires the deepest dreams of our hearts to be met. He wants to fulfill them in ways we cannot fathom, but more often then not, our dreams being met, look entirely different than we envision. And that  my friends is Faith; trusting God to fulfill your deepest desires, protect your heart and bring you closer to Him even when life is incredibly messy. 

Be still and know that I am God. (Psalms 46:10)

Living in dependence on Me is a glorious adventure. Most people scurry around busily, trying to accomplish things through their own strength and ability. Some succeed enormously; others fail miserably. But both groups miss what life is meant to be: living and working in collaboration with Me.

When you depend on Me continually, your whole perspective changes. You see miracles happening all around, while others see only natural occurrences and “coincidences.” You begin each day with joyful expectation, watching to see what I will do. You accept weakness as a gift from Me, knowing that My Power plugs in most readily to consecrated weakness. You keep your plans tentative, knowing that My plans are far superior. You consciously live, move, and have your being in Me, desiring that I live in you. I in you, and you in Me. This is the intimate adventure I offer you.

-Sarah Young

The promise of Hope is here. God longs to meet each and every one of us in the midst of our pain. The question you must ask yourself is if you are allowing Him to. Or are you quickly trying to push through the “trial” and move on with life? That my friends is an honest soul seeking question and you must be fully honest with yourself when choosing to answer that. I find every time I enter a trial of any kind, I want to rid it immediately from my life rather than seek what God is trying to accomplish within my soul and how He is longing for me to go deeper with Him.

Through reading this book Shattered Dreams, I could pinpoint a couple times in my life where my dreams were ultimately shattered and one in particular that still may be shattered forever. Or is it? Is it truly shattered or is God going to full that dream in a way I never saw possible or desired. A way that may not be what I long for, a way that doesn’t seem fit for me? This dream I am talking about is the dream of having a large family. I have one little miracle sleeping in the next room as we speak. He is the joy of my life. But when it comes to further children, I am not sure if I can have another baby, deliver a healthy child and come out on the other side alive and well. If any of you know my pregnancy and delivery story you know the pain and fear in which I am talking about. (Read My Shocking Pregnancy Story)

My Little Miracle

This my friends is a true test of whether God will fulfill my dream in the manner I see fit, or if He will choose to shatter my dream and fulfill this dream in a entirely different manner. We are still in the process of knowing the outcome and will one day look back on this dream but hopefully, with either outcome, I will come out closer to Christ than I currently remain.

Moment of Truth: “Learn how to look through life’s tragedies and see the lavish blessings God has for you.”