Just when you think life may have slowed down just for a day, you become utterly wrong. “Why try and make life slow down,” I think to myself. This has been the longest, quickest two years of my marriage. I never knew what I signed up for when life took hold of our family. It’s the continual surprises that tend to wear me down and unfortunately, they are not all good surprises.

As you all know, my mother-in-law who is sick and terminally ill has led this life of a roller coaster with her health and emotions the past three weeks. I don’t think she fully understands it as the days keep ticking away, but her loved ones definitely feel the twist and pull, up and down, side to side, jerk of emotions from good to bad, better to worse and so on and so forth!

Thanks to sourcewire.com

After the storm of last week, I have been yearning for a break in “rain” come today. That happened for the first 3 hours and once I contacted my mother-in-laws husband, I was informed pretty quickly that this roller coaster turned a corner that once again yanked our heads from one side to the next. Hearing the words that her lungs are filling with fluid and her blood pressure is all over the place was definitely discouraging. We have neared the end and simply do not know how to prepare for this particular “slap in the face.” A cold drink of water continues to awake our sleepy eyes.

It seems that this roller coaster of life is never ending and I can vividly see the ground from up above, upside down and one crank to the next keeping us on our toes as much as possible. I finally reached my peak last week, I couldn’t keep it in any longer, my body decided to allow a nasty cold in, keeping me awake at night and coughing through the day. I haven’t been sick in months, yet when my body seems to be so worn, I still fight through them but this cold, this one hit me hard. The emotional battle of trying to be strong for my husband while he loses his mother has been everything but strong for me. I’ve tried but after last week, I hit a wall and have been an emotional basket case since.

I long to help support my husband, but how do you simply give the proper words when there is no changing the past nor the present. The past haunts my husband from childhood to his 35 year old body dreading the phone call of this wretched outcome. 27 years wasted? I don’t think so! I believe from the depths of my soul that everything happens for a reason. It is not always joyful, but God DOES use everything for the good of those who love Him. Through tragedy and pain, my husbands 27 years of non-relation with his mother, was everything but a waste. I believe this wholeheartedly even though it may not make sense right now. The little knowledge we’ve been given has been beneficial. Healing is taking place in some facet or another. My husband is allowing himself to grieve not only losing his mother, but losing her a second time.

The first time, he lost her was when he was put in foster care at age 8. 27 years later, he’s now losing her to cancer. The horrible feeling of losing a parent alone is beyond description, yet this is his second parent. He lost his dad at age 8. I know we all travel this life with a story and we can use our story for glory or for pain.

The roller coaster that simply will NOT end, I pray will be used for God’s glory!

Moment of Truth: My husband is learning more than he can see at this moment in time. This tragedy has mended relationships, opened the door for healing and brought about as much positive influence one can have in a time such as this. I am proud of my husband, he is a tough guy yet so tender on the inside. Crack that shell and you have a pile of mush longing for peace and joy. I pray for that exact thing to be laid upon my husband at this very moment. I love you Michael John!