Oh how I love my husband. He is such a great, strong handsome man. I mean truly, the love I have for him is incredible as each day passes. I’ve learned to embrace each day with him and be thankful even for his little quirks; even the ones I may not adore. I have been involved with a woman’s bible study at our church and the session I choose this time around was “marriage.” I mean how good could a study on marriage truly be? I wasn’t quite sure. But being that we are new parents and trying to hold tightly to our marriage in the midst of learning the ins and outs of parenthood, I wasn’t about to let our marriage fall to the wayside or become second best. So, why not give it a whirl. Boy has it been a whirlwind alright. I had never thought “Christian” marriages could be so full of delight, laughter, honesty, and accountability.
Let me say a couple things. The honesty in the gal who leads the study is pretty outstanding. She is very honest and flat out tells you to pursue your husband even when you don’t want to, don’t feel it, and know he doesn’t deserve it. The one step a wife can take is to do ‘the next right thing.” We talk about the difference in our personalities and the role of us as a wife. It’s huge, we think our men take for granted all the work we do or we don’t do quite enough. But reality is, we can make our marriage thrive, we hold a lot of power in this. It’s quite amazing how you take tiny little steps but to our men it is huge.
We talked about sex last week. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect from a “church” bible study but the honesty again blew my mind away. God created sex and created it for the purpose of pleasure between a husband and a wife. He saw it as good. When you think about God creating this for His purpose it kind of threw my mind for a loop. The gal said every time we “reject” our husbands of sex we are allowing them to feel that rejection and take it personally. We want our husbands to feel wanted and admired; sex helps accomplish this for men. I think we have all heard this before, but the way it can help grow, rekindle and harness a marriage is how we need to think about it. This is the closest bonding you can have with your spouse. Communication is huge and definitely needed, but when it comes to sex it goes a step further, that words cannot grasp.
I wasn’t quite sure I was going to talk about “sex” but why hold back now. It seems to be the elephant in the room that is embarrassing to talk about. How dare we talk about it, but let’s face it, we have little kids so something got figured out. I enjoyed the fact that at a bible study, reality was actually addressed, not sugar coated, downplayed, or an embarrassment. All of our men filled out three questions that were straight to the point of what our men need from their wives. Out of a group of 60 or so women, the answers all lined up to be the same point. Pursue your husbands. Make them feel confident, have sex with them and more. And in this group of “Christian” women there are many marriages that are struggling, women sleeping in different rooms than their husband, some haven’t had sex in over 6 months, communication is gone, etc. Whatever the case, the reality is that even “Christian” marriages go through ups and downs. We all think you have to put a smile on your face because if you are a Christian your marriage should be perfect. This is absolutely false. We are on the battlefield and will have struggles and issues and it’s how we choose to handle them. Pursuing our men is the beginning step to bonding and harnessing the marriages we are currently in.
I’m trying to gain perspective and when I get annoyed by something little my husband does or says, I am trying to remember that life happens. We get cranky, have bad days, and say the wrong thing. This is ok, it’s how I choose to respond and handle it. Although I haven’t even been married a year I am trying to learn the basis of a strong, healthy marriage and apply any knowledge I can gain from women who have been through this years longer than I.
Our first year of marriage hasn’t been the easiest. It is not your typical honeymoon phase some couples go through, we got pregnant out of wedlock and you can imagine this would change the dynamics a bit. I love my husband more than life itself and will always be willing to grow, change and adapt with him.
Moment of Truth:
Do the next right thing!
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