Category Archives: Me Time

He’s not finished with me yet

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 7 March, 2014 None comments

There’s a song that says “He’s not finished with me yet” but I find that hard to believe that Christ is ever finished with us until we go home to heaven. We are imperfect beings and will always fail no matter how many times we learn a lesson. But the great news in that still resides: “Christ isn’t finished with me yet!”

No matter how many times those around you fail and let you down or how many times you fail and let others down, you don’t have to earn back trust and forgiveness from God as we do from our loved ones. He meets us where we are, not where we need to be!

Don’t abuse your right of forgiveness by continuing to live in sin but live a life worthy of your calling. How many of you out there truly feel you know where God is calling you in life? This is a tough question. My husband and I have been battling this question for a couple of years. We know where we are is not where we want to be, but what road, path, steps laid before us are extremely blurry at this moment in time. We long to understand, we long to see and to walk confidently. Sometimes we say “if we just knew what lays ahead than we would avoid the problems along the way.” Unfortunately I completely disagree with that statement as if I knew what lays ahead of me, often I would avoid the road all together to avoid pain, hurt, and failure which in turn would keep me from going anywhere. Be careful what you wish for, often the blind roads are the roads worth traveling and ultimately bring the most glory. If you are in the midst of the beaten path in utter darkness and can’t even see the hand in front of your face, I can promise if you seek God, you will look back and say “I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.” Many times God uses the beaten, broken path to force dependence upon Him utilizing us for His glory, not our own.

Thanks to dubiousdub.blogspot.com for the picture

I know that my husband and I want to take steps to change our current circumstances, but many questions often remain. Sometimes we try and light our own path forgetting that we are lost in the forest with no compass but the Lord. Lately, I’ve been trying to remember that our circumstances are petty compared to who our God truly is. He created the heavens and the earth. He tells the sun when to rise. He taught the rooster when to crow. (Job 38) Do we understand these concepts? He is beyond anything we can comprehend. We must not doubt our God as He knows what is best for us!

Read these verses and lift up your concerns and doubts to our Heavenly Father who spoke us into being.

38 Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:

²“Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge? ³Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.⁴“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. ⁵Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? ⁶On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone— ⁷while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?⁸“Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, ⁹when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, ¹⁰when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, ¹¹when I said, ‘This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt’?¹²“Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, ¹³that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it? ¹⁴The earth takes shape like clay under a seal; its features stand out like those of a garment. ¹⁵The wicked are denied their light, and their upraised arm is broken.¹⁶“Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep? ¹⁷Have the gates of death been shown to you? Have you seen the gates of the deepest darkness? ¹⁸Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth? Tell me, if you know all this.¹⁹“What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside? ²⁰Can you take them to their places? Do you know the paths to their dwellings? ²¹Surely you know, for you were already born! You have lived so many years!²²“Have you entered the storehouses of the snow or seen the storehouses of the hail, ²³which I reserve for times of trouble, for days of war and battle? ²⁴What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed, or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth? ²⁵Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain, and a path for the thunderstorm, ²⁶to water a land where no one lives, an uninhabited desert, ²⁷to satisfy a desolate wasteland and make it sprout with grass? ²⁸Does the rain have a father? Who fathers the drops of dew? ²⁹From whose womb comes the ice? Who gives birth to the frost from the heavens ³⁰when the waters become hard as stone, when the surface of the deep is frozen?³¹“Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades? Can you loosen Orion’s belt? ³²Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons or lead out the Bear with its cubs? ³³Do you know the laws of the heavens? Can you set up God’s dominion over the earth?³⁴“Can you raise your voice to the clouds and cover yourself with a flood of water? ³⁵Do you send the lightning bolts on their way? Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’? ³⁶Who gives the ibis wisdom or gives the rooster understanding? ³⁷Who has the wisdom to count the clouds? Who can tip over the water jars of the heavens ³⁸when the dust becomes hard and the clods of earth stick together?³⁹“Do you hunt the prey for the lioness and satisfy the hunger of the lions ⁴⁰when they crouch in their dens or lie in wait in a thicket? ⁴¹Who provides food for the raven when its young cry out to God and wander about for lack of food

God is not finished with you yet. He is longing to show His power to you in the best possible way, but you have to allow Him to do this and accept it. Do not fear the Lord and His will over your life. You can have an extraordinary life if you seek for it! When you are walking in blindness you must constantly seek the Lord for your very next step. Stay on the narrow path! Don’t lose sight and look too far ahead as you may miss what comes next.

Moment of Truth: Ask God to reveal the things you do not have the capacity to know without His divine revelation.

Who I used to be…

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 28 February, 2014 None comments

I was remembering today of who I used to be. As a child all growing up I held so tightly to my mistakes. When I would get in trouble with my parents for some reason I could not forgive myself afterwards. I held on to the guilt and shame of my selfish desires not finding release even after my parents forgave me, hugged me and told me they loved me. Something deeply rooted in me simply couldn’t move past my worldly sin. It didn’t matter where or what we were doing, I held my attitude so closely it became my best friend. I hated myself for it, but I couldn’t seem to let go. I would ruin the entire day over something so small because “gosh darn-it I messed up so the day is ruined.” These were my thoughts and my actions as a small child.

Yes, this was me as a child!

I was a very determined child and still am very determined. My mother used to say “determination is a very good thing when used in the right way.” I would get so red in the face because clearly I wasn’t using it properly at the time.

Fortunately, what I know now is that I constantly mess up, say the wrong thing and put my wants above anyone else. Selfishness is rooted deep within all of us. I couldn’t grasp this concept when I was younger.

I’m not quite sure when I learned to let go of my sin, what’s been done is done and to let go and not ruin the rest of the day. Asking for forgiveness is the first step. To be honest I may have dealt with this since I was 26 years old. I’m not sure if getting pregnant or giving my life to Christ was that magical point in time. I do know they probably are correlated.

This previous memory had been forgotten, tucked away in one of the many boxes of life that was to be dealt with, moved on and left behind. Today it really hit me hard how deep our sin takes us and the choices that come from our sin. I’ve learned being married and having a child that I sin throughout the day as that is part of our “makeup.” The joy within this is the great peace and forgiveness Christ has lavished upon us. We are His children and He is ours. He is our Father! He forgives and forgets unlike us.

As I look back pondering these moments from my childhood, I am beyond thankful and blessed that when I lay my head on my pillow at night regretting the little battles I picked with Cooper or the attitude I struck up with my husband, I know I can forgive myself and allow a new day to come. Letting go of my shame and guilt and most of all reminding myself that God forgives me and continue to learn how to accept this great gift. The joy of remembering this distance challenge that at one point controlled my life is now but a memory.

Moment of Truth: Take a piece of your past that you continue to struggle with and allow God to come in and wash it away. Forgive yourself knowing Christ has already forgiven you! Now that’s a blessing within itself.

A Toad or a Prince

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 18 February, 2014 None comments

How long does it take for a toad to actually turn into a prince? I’ve been waiting and waiting and being extremely patient as I long for this toad to turn into a handsome prince sooner than later.

You may think I am being a little harsh and not giving my husband any credit, but this actually has nothing to do with my husband. :) We have an actual real live toad living in our house. That’s right- I said it. There is a toad living in my sons room. He only croaks when Cooper is sleeping during the evening or during his precious naps. For some odd reason he enjoys being quiet all day long when the noise is thrashing through our house and begin croaking more loudly when Cooper decides to calm down for the day.

Thanks to abovetopsecret.com

I must say I believe he hibernates a bit; croaking more softly and doing less leaping when we had our big snow storm or when the weather decides to be extreme as it has lately. He follows the typical patterns of a toad but will not change his scenery, he plops himself down directly below my sons room allowing for an intense, loud, obnoxious croak. I believe he is in the crawl space but I must say he is extremely loud, I have questioned MANY times if he resides in his room itself. Every time I sneak around tiptoeing very quietly he immediately stops croaking when I open the door wide enough to walk in…so bazaar. It’s almost as if he sees me or the light begin to enter the room that he decides to shut up.

I had to take a video because I was almost 100% positive my husband may think I’ve lost my marbles and gone crazy. Check it out: (video will post soon)

When oh when will he turn into a prince? I long for this day but how can it be so when he sits in one lonely spot all by himself day in and day out; he’ll never find his princess. :(

Maybe I should embrace his loud lonesome croaking as he seems to think we must enjoy it. I’m not quite there yet, but maybe one day, as time passes by, he and I will be friends.

Stay tuned…..

Devastation

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 13 February, 2014 None comments

The fear pierced my heart to the core when I received a message “can we call you and Michael at 6:30 tonight?” I knew instantly that something was horribly wrong. Never receiving that type of message with out a preface that everything is okay, not to worry. I immediately flushed with fear as I was trying to gather my bearings while Cooper joyously played in his highchair with finger paint. Immediately he gathered something wasn’t right with his mama and he became more aware of his surroundings. Finally I calmed myself down making a mental note that I couldn’t change the circumstances; what I was going to hear 4 hours from now was absolutely out of my control.

My husband came home late as he usually does these days. I had dinner ready and waiting and my little man scurried around the room with a playful tone running from his mouth. The call came and instantly mommy and daddy hit the floor, gasping for air. What we had previously known had changed history forever. This was not a change for the good. The aftermath is now currently rippling down to the many people who would drastically become affected by this one choice. Life forever was changing as we knew it.

Cooper glanced up now and again with a gigantic smile upon his face while moments of confusion began to set in. He would take long breaks to be held by his mama to feel security that even while the tears were flowing everything would still be okay. He longed for comfort and peace. Normality is what embraced our little child while he knew nothing more than simply wanting normalcy. Desiring to place this precious child into bed, we couldn’t take a break at that present moment. Hind sight it always 20/20, he should have been in bed before the call.

Going to bed was not an easy task for me as everything I knew was going to change dramatically and would never be the same again. Fear seeped in. I rebuked it the best I could under the utter shock that has filled my body. Cool sweats woke me from a restless sleep an hour later, “was this a bad dream” I would plead with the Lord? “How do we begin to heal and move forward?” The questions pierced my heart to the inner most being. I woke my husband up in utter fear longing to be comforted while his irritation of his deep sleep had just been shaken. We held one another close as we hoped and prayed for the best. The hours drug on while I laid awake, bleeding from the pain I couldn’t control.

My heart aches as life continually battles around us, the war is raging and we seem to have a massive mountain ahead waiting to be climbed. I guess we must choose to climb this mountain no matter how steep, how cold, how dangerous it becomes; this mountain was in our cards we call life even though we pleaded against it. No way around, we must climb and keep climbing.

Climbing Saint Helens

This “God” we say we believe in sometimes seems to be silent. When life rages around us we tend to think God will be there immediately reaching down to save us from the pit. Unfortunately, I continue to learn that simply because life is messy and ugly, God is still with us no matter the circumstance but we still have to fight our way out. Choices were made, consequences follow. Sometimes it takes climbing that mountain to learn the grace of God. I must tell you, I have struggled myself in wondering why God seems to be silent when I feel I need him the most. The reality is He is there waiting to pick me up and strengthen me when I feel I can’t take another breath. He truly gives me the strength to battle the continual news that is never ending.

I long for the chapter to end to only find that the sequel is waiting to begin. This book is one of the longest books I’ve yet to read or shall I say live. Just when you think it’s over, the pages keep on writing. This story we call life is a never ending book. I believe we all could write an extraordinary series on life that would reach an extensive audience but what’s at the end of the chapter? Are lessons learned, does it end in tragedy, heartache, heartbreak or is this a book that everyone can learn from and say with confidence that this life was well lived and well received no matter the heartache that came?

It seems lately tragedy has hit and hit hard, but I must say there is hope. There are positive and exciting times in life as well. Unfortunately, you are all on this journey with me and this is right where I am…..in the midst of climbing the mountain, looking up at the finish line keeping my eyes on the prize.

Moment of truth: We must experience trial for our souls to be refined and become more like Christ. Keep fighting the fight; persevere.

Life on display

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 10 February, 2014 None comments

As I wrote previously on a documentary about drugs I was struck by the fact that what if my life became a documentary? If someone asked to film your life would you feel confident about your life and displaying it for the world to see? Or would you be embarrassed or ashamed? Would you choose to live differently?

Honestly those are some tough questions for me. I know to some degree we would all want to change certain aspects of our life or simply hide them from the world but I also know that I am living my life to the best that I know how and the best that I can at this current moment… Now would I want to relive my past, absolutely not. So, when I ask that question, what comes to mind is every decision I make from here on out should be to glorify Christ and Christ alone. If you feel you can’t be honest with your decisions and wouldn’t tell your friends, acquaintances or your children than you should probably rethink your decisions.

Now I’m not suggesting that all our decisions should be laid our for the world to see, but what small decisions would you change if you knew you were living a life that would one day become a documentary!

My husband and I definitely live our life more on display more than most people- this isn’t always a good thing. :) Between my husband and I, we have some very tough, challenging stories that would make for a good book. Some really sad situations and some really happy and exciting ones. But within those heartaches and memories we are longing to “figure” things out to a point where we could one day help others who suffer through tragedy, feel hopeless and want help finding direction in life. We both feel confident that one day we will pursue this dream of ours and hopefully raise our children to learn what helping others truly means and giving a helping hand to those you want to turn away from; feeling slightly uncomfortable.

When we look back on our life I know we all have moments of guilt and shame, but when you are living your life for Christ, going deeper still, are your decisions being made in accordance to Christ’s will or for purpose of self gain?

Motivation or Lack there of

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 7 February, 2014 None comments

My problem the last couple of days has been an utter lack of motivation. My motivation the last couple weeks has been everything but eventful, downright awful. My lack of energy has been extremely discouraging. My poor son seems to be beyond bored as mommy is in a rut with the same toys and activities and the family is eating unexciting meals as I haven’t planned my menu for a couple weeks. I have avoided the grocery store at all costs as I haven’t wanted to plan my meals in advance which in turn keeps me from stepping into the store.

Watching the snow fall from the inside…

Watching the neighbor girls play and sled in the freezing cold

Simply not old enough to know what he is missing when the snow falls…sweet baby!

I’ve also been meaning to workout this entire week simply finding other things to do. I have convinced my husband to workout with my tonight as that will force me to follow through. He is a workout maniac. :) I’ve also convinced him to take us on ‘date night’ tonight to the grocery store; Cooper included. The amount of snow we have incurred is insurmountable for Portland especially with how dry the snow is. We have literally been dumped on. The problem with Portland is we don’t know how to clear roadways of snow and unfortunately Oregonians believe in “saving the planet” which means no deicing trucks until the weather has already accumulated an immense amount of snow or freezing rain. ;) I grew up in a small town where getting 2-3 feet in a day or two wasn’t unheard of but the roadways were ALWAYS clear; snow plows, sanders, deicers and people knowing how to drive in such circumstances.

It’s been years since I’ve had to really worry about driving in snow and as I headed out today the anxiety welled up inside of me. My son in the back seat of our new car, unclear roads and a couple hills to conquer. The anxiety in my gut felt horrible that I felt myself become that ‘Oregonian’ I hadn’t believed I was. ;) I must say they need snow plows for each town not simply for the freeway. It is beautiful outside but the cabin fever I fear will begin to kick in partially through the weekend if we do receive freezing rain forcing us to remain inside.

Although my motivation is nonexistent my house is extremely clean. I spent most the morning sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, cleaning toilets, kitchen sinks, laundry, dusting baseboards, and the trim around the doors as well as making no bake cookies. Even though my motivation has been lacking a great deal, a dirty house does not suite my fancy and chocolate is always an encourager. I have felt well accomplished today as I choose to partake in these activities; probably because they aren’t hanging over my head anymore and the snow has kept us indoors.

Another part of my lack of motivation is my tummy has been incredibly hurting and I’m unsure why. Could it be the cleaning this morning, shocking my system back to reality or maybe it was all the no bake cookes I had this afternoon filling my tummy so full that I couldn’t eat lunch. I could keep the list going but unfortunately I feel I could be fighting a bug…I really hope not but it’s definitely a high possibility. This also helps encourage me to remain unmotivated as I do not want to make myself sicker; I must force myself to relax. ;) HA! Oh the excuses run deep today, so deep I felt they needed to be shared.

Moment of Truth: Take time to relax, eat chocolate and know the house is clean! :)

Are We Delighting In Life Today?

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 20 January, 2014 None comments

Sometimes it’s not the easiest to put on a smiley face, happy attitude, and show those around us that life is delightful. Sometimes I simply want to give up, walk away from life all together and say “whatever happens, happens.”

Although this isn’t the proper response, I have felt in the pits the last few days wondering why life literally falls apart for those we love and walk with. I wish I could take away their pain and heartache knowing I have my own junk currently following me through the days. I would rather tie it all up on a wheelbarrow and carry the burden myself than see those I love struggle to push their ginormous wheelbarrow as well.

Even though I wish to alleviate pain of those I love, I still have wanted to just walk away from all my problems the last few days, pretend they don’t exist, pretend they make me happy and so on an so forth. I’m realizing life was never promised to be easy or happy. It simply isn’t. We will continue to have trials and there is no guarantee that we will have breaks from heartache either. We all face trials and tribulation right where we are. We can’t judge the depth of anyone else’s pain as we never know what truly is going on behind the scenes and the pain each person around us is experiencing. Some heartaches are more public, strung out for everyone to view while others are closet problems only being worn around those that walk that close path of life with them. Unfortunately we become the outcast or backlash of those around us and most the times it’s due to our wheelbarrow of junk that’s been un-dealt with.

Ultimately what I am trying to say is life is ugly and until we enter into heaven with Christ we will never know what each day holds. I’ve found out a lot of ugly news this past 6 days that my mind can’t fully wrap itself around the reality that’s entered into our family. The reality is not only are we experiencing pain within our own immediate family; our brothers, sisters, in-laws, parents, and friends all experience their own book of “life” yet our decisions outflow to those around us even if we try our hardest to prevent this. Death knocks on doorsteps when we least expect it, marriages crumble and bonds between family members become severed, friendships fall apart, jobs fall through, finances fail and much, much more.

Where is our perspective today? Are we focusing on things that don’t matter or are we focusing on this short life we have been blessed with to live in the best way we can? Are we healing broken relationships, letting go of bitterness, betrayal and forgiving our enemies we call family and friends? Don’t carry your wheelbarrow alone, let God bring healing to all the pieces that pile up weighing it down, keeping us from looking beyond the trash we’ve accumulated. Let history remain! Let the present and future build new memories without regret.

Special thanks to fayettewoman.com for the picture

Don’t paint your wheelbarrow or grow flowers in the midst of the ugly soil. The rust will still shine through and the flowers will not survive in bad soil. Remember to empty out the ugly bitter, broken soil of baggage and refill it with God’s grace and allow healing to turn your rusty wheelbarrow into a beautiful, shiny red treasure.

Pregnancy Joys, Miscarriage Woes

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 20 December, 2013 None comments

It seems so natural to think about all the baby joys of pregnancy and laugh (maybe months later) at the thought of morning sickness. However, it seems that many people also struggle with the woes of tragedy in a pregnancy as well. I’ve known too many people in the last 6 months who have not only been pregnant and delivered healthy little ones but also those who’ve experienced tragedy. It breaks my heart as I see the hurt and pain they experience while waiting anxiously for their precious bundle. When that dream isn’t fulfilled my heart aches for them. I also have a couple friends who have even struggled to become pregnant while they see people like myself who had a “surprise” pregnancy. Watching “surprise” pregnancies do not help them with the feelings they experience within their own trials.

Trust! We have to trust that the Lord has a plan for all our precious babies out there; the ones that are born and the ones He takes home very early.

If you’ve read my pregnancy story you will understand that my pregnancy was super easy, but delivery was my nightmare come true. Here I am today, two blood transfusions later and I have a healthy little boy who is about to turn 18 months old and I myself am healthy again, so I think. I went in a couple days ago for my annual check up, refill my prescription and to get a flu shot. Unfortunately I experienced quite the surprise on Sunday before my appointment. I found out I had a miscarriage. The utter shock of emotions pulsing through my body was unexplainable. Tears of sadness flooded my eyes as my husband and I questioned what had just happened. The traumatic experience was definitely something I will never forget. Walking through the hallway at the Hospital after the news pierced my heart, I quietly look up at my husband and utter the words. We both walked stoically through the remainder of the white, cold hospital hallway to our car.

Not quite sure how to respond to the news as Sunday was very traumatic for our family and by Wednesday I was unsure what emotion to express as my assumptions had been affirmed. Since I believe life happens at conception, than the reality is I lost a precious child that would have been a brother or sister to Cooper. Knowing my baby was unable make it through a healthy pregnancy and is now in the lap of our Heavenly Father, comforted my soul.

The outcome hasn’t changed, I’m still very sad about our circumstances as my emotions are trying to paddle quickly to reality. Though I didn’t cry when the news was confirmed, is was not because I didn’t care but simply because the loaded sentence spoken to me, held life and death all in one short sentence. The power behind a miscarriage is much stronger than I had realized until now. I’ve known a few people who have gone through this tragedy but having gone through it myself, puts a huge perspective on the feelings that flooded my soul in this one short word. The questions, sadness, shock and cold feelings that are experienced became much more than words but a reality that I am no longer pregnant; I lost a child.

Being a mom and hearing the words of losing a child is unfathomable. I grasp my son in utter love and protection, wishing no harm to ever come upon him. I want to protect his soul even more than I had previously; if that is at all possible. Being a mother has placed a love inside me that I simply couldn’t obtain without having my son. You never know the depths of love you can hold for a child until you cradle them in your arms. The deep protection and fear you hold to guard their tiny heart is unimaginable. I’m blessed and thankful to experience these feelings. Having known what I am missing is more challenging but on the same hand brings complete love pouring on my son as I am blessed to have him.

Now had I been able to plan my own story for my life it would have played out a bit different: I would meet the man of my dreams, fall in love, get married, begin my beautiful family and live happily ever after. The end!

Seems so simple and proper. Although this wasn’t my reality, it was a dream of mine since I was very young. The real life story played out as this: I got pregnant with a man I barely knew, rushed dating him to get to the nitty gritty of whether we loved one another or not. We fell in love in the process of my pregnancy, got married, and had Cooper John.

HOLD IT…..this isn’t the story I had wrote for my life, this wasn’t how it was supposed to play out. It was extremely difficult being pregnant and learning who my spouse was all at the same time. Logically my story seems to be the better of the two plans. We didn’t know one another so why didn’t I miscarry back then? Why now?

Hindsight is always 20/20. Had I not had Cooper when I did, I would be an entirely different person and in an entirely different place in life. As I recount what actually has played out in my life, Cooper was beyond a blessing and actually healed my own soul in many ways I would not have experienced without having him in the timeframe of which we conceived. As hard as it has been to get pregnant out of wedlock, I must say I would NEVER go back and change the scenario as God has faithfully allowed my life to take the course in which it has. Through that, I’ve come to Christ, which has changed my lifestyle one hundred percent, I’ve been blessed with my adorable son, my now husband, and a life I would not hold had things happened any differently. I needed to become pregnant 2 years ago with Cooper for me to understand I have been blessed immensely. Timing was everything. Cooper was meant to come two years ago, not today.

With that in mind, we all wish our cards would play out differently to avoid heartache and tragedy, but I believe most circumstances in life bring us back to a dependence on Christ. Just as my story played out entirely different than I saw fit, I wouldn’t be the person I am today without it. Now, I’m not saying that going through these things has been easy. Most of them have been beyond joyful, thankful, protected, and faithful circumstances even the tough ones; there’s still something to be thankful for in the midst of pain. I have peace and am thankful and confident knowing life brings immense trials but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

The bigger picture here is that there is ALWAYS a reason our story takes paths we never expected or wished we would travel. But God allows them in our life to keep us humble and to learn more about ourselves and His faithfulness. Sometimes we will gain a perspective as to why particular tragedies occur but often we don’t. I may never know why I had this miscarriage and that is okay. What I do know, is that God is faithful and will use it in my life in one aspect or another. I also know that God has blessed me with my already born child and my role as a mother is to guard and protect his heart. I’ve been given Cooper to take care of him and love him; this has to be my focus and my place of rest.

I heard it once said “cracks in the heart allow the light to shine through.” Most of life requires some heartache to see the light in the midst of the trial. Heartache brings perspective and allows the focus to be reassembled.

Thankful for my little bundle of complete joy. I love you Cooper John!!!

Moment of Truth: Rest in peace knowing you do not have to know all the answers. Trust that God loves you and is taking care of you. Rest in His peace and stop searching for answers that don’t fit the bigger picture.

Loving my Poinsettias

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 18 December, 2013 None comments

I love plants more now that I can keep most of them alive. :)

Vertigo????

Posted by Delightfully Doable on 12 December, 2013 None comments

My life was spinning out of control, literaly. Waking up at 6:30 in the morning only to fall out of bed realizing the strong force thrashing my body quickly to the floor was vertigo. Vertigo? This small word holds such large weight. I’ve experienced this force only but a couple times in the last few weeks and just once more preceding these episodes.

Falling to the floor, knees giving out as if I am paralyzed, leaving my lifeless body utterly helpless. I manage to pull myself back into bed, room spinning frantically while I’m trying understand why I’m waking up with some neurological damage. Other than something being completely wrong, why else would I wake up with vertigo?

I laid in bed for two hours trying to shake the spinning only to feel sick to my stomach with a raging headache. Finally I dragged myself to couch to call my husband and let him know I was spinning recklessly unsure how to get my son from bed as I didn’t want to drop him. The unknown cause and waking up with such frustration was driving me crazy. It’s the WORST feeling to constantly be spinning and not being able to catch your balance. A few tears slipped by as I forced myself up to make coffee, get my son and have a “normal” morning. This didn’t happen as much as I wanted it to.

Story time at our library was this morning and I wanted to take Cooper so bad, but I knew it wasn’t safe for me to drive. The moment I turn, sit, stand or lay triggers immense amount of dizziness. If I am subtle to make any movement I can manage my way around. I contacted my girlfriend about story time and threw in that I was experiencing mass vertigo. SHE SAVED THE DAY!!!!

To my rescue she comes. She brought her little girl while the kids stood above me and she rolled me from side to side. It was incredible, I was a little unsure that she could fix my vertigo but I was desperate. She literally cured me. Sounds crazy, but I was thrilled. She explained her vertigo lasted 6 weeks before the doctor could get her in. They proceeded to tell her that when you wake up with it, crystals in your ear have been jostled out of place and need to be placed back in. By rolling in a particular manner on the couch with your head hung low, it works. To hear that I didn’t have neurological damage allowed my soul to spin with complete excitement. Viola!!! Three rolls later and I was basically cured! I was so happy, I could change Cooper’s diaper, bathe him, make breakfast, lay him down for nap, and shower myself. It was incredible. I probably looked hideous and it must have been quite the scene to see my spinning body and the two kids standing above me looking down as if I was a clown and thoroughly entertaining them.

If you have ever experienced vertigo you understand this craziness. The utter frustration of feeling incapable to care for yourself and your child is a terrible feeling. Ugg, I never wish vertigo on anyone!!!! But…I hold the key to curing this if I ever wake up with it again. :)