Insecurity and Doubt

Have you ever had a moment where you quickly judged a stranger and immediately found yourself not liking them? You have no basis for this, but you tend to quickly judge someone for their fashion, or lack there of. Or quickly call someone a jerk because they cut you off in traffic. Maybe this person was at the park with their kids and let their child steal a toy from yours. Do you find yourself judging the “unlovable?”

I completely found myself in the midst of my own insecurity while judging this gal at Starbucks earlier this week with my son. I found myself to be a frumpy ol’ housewife with no sense of fashion. This gal mind you, was on a lunch break in a skirt and heels while I on the other hand was having a cleaning day at home with workout clothes and tennis shoes. No need to get all dressed up to clean the house and weed my garden right? But in the same breath, I thought to myself how I must go home and shower immediately and get all dressed up to feel better about myself. But for what? I wasn’t going anywhere that day and this gal would not ever see me again. So why was I having these thoughts creep into my mind making me believe I am less of a person because I am in workout clothes and not all done up?

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Insecurity chose to take root for a few minutes and I let it. The thoughts distracted me from my son while we were on a mommy-son date getting treats together and watching all the cars, trucks and motorcycles speed by. My thoughts were not on him and what he was excited about while eating his little treat and speaking with his vast vocabulary. My poor baby was not the main priority until I finally realized my thoughts were not on heavenly things but on worldly distractions; comparing what I thought to be, my self-worth.

How often do you find yourself daydreaming of things that are not reality? Be sure to not let those things become a priority in your mind “while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18) I’ve been reading 2 Corinthians this past week and while it’s easy to let our thoughts travel around, I realized that we are warned over and over to keep our eyes on Christ. This warning comes multiple times as a clear reminder that we are easily distracted from the bigger purpose.

Today, my purpose was not a purpose of discouragement, comparison, doubt or worthlessness but a purpose of things God has prepared for me on a daily basis. It took going down this rabbit trail to be reminded of what my purpose really was, rather then the lies I was choosing to believe. God has created a beautiful world around me full of life, His life. Yet I choose to believe a lie, a lie that if I allowed to take root, would lead to destruction.

Things I need to be reminded of: God has laid before me a beautiful scenery in my own backyard. A beautiful son filling my heart with joy. A husband and best friend whom I love dearly and share my life with. A home filled with comfort and joy. And most of all, Christ has filled me with His love and I simply choose on a minute by minute basis to receive it. And this my friends is our hope; Christ knows every step of the journey until we go home, home to heaven. 

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Moment of Truth: Christ calls us not to judge. We were not granted the sword to cut down and destroy but we often do so leaving our souls bared to those around us. They will often know what we are against rather than what we are for when we choose to pick up our sword of defense. I partook in this destructive action today and was  left feeling sad and more so embarrassed. I judged a heart I know nothing about and all due to my own insecurity. Lord, keep my heart pure and my motives for You alone.

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