Just when you think you couldn’t lose your trust in someone, it happens. The devastating blow that what you had known previously has now crumbled to the ground. How do you push through, how do you manage your life when life revolves around trust in all aspects? Every relationship we hold begins with trust whether it’s a solid foundation or has become excruciatingly severed. What I’ve come to realize through the years is the only reason trust does not exist in a relationship is due to selfish gain, insecurities and fear of failure. Pride breeds lies.
As soon as a tone begins within a conversation or a defensive state occurs, immediately my guard pops up. If you are an honest person you do not have a reason to get defensive or develop a tone. I honestly believe through watching people, circumstances, and learning through psychology that a person who can’t show all their colors upfront is hiding something they are either ashamed, embarrassed, incompetent, seeking approval and/or fear of disapproval. These feelings unfortunately can dictate a relationship and destroy a family immediately. A friendship or marriage cannot exist without trust.
So how does one stay in a predicament that is untrustworthy? Where does the stamina occur to hold their part of the marriage or friendship together? And when should someone simply walk away?
These are questions I have struggled with for a long time within many different relationships I’ve had throughout the years. I have learned that my character and integrity lie in the hands of whether I prove to be a trustworthy, honest individual. Why would I expect someone to hang on to what “could” be if I constantly fail to gain their trust? I CAN’T!
This is something we all long for and unfortunately some of us stay in heart wrenching relationships in hopes to change them and gain a solid trust to feel complete in that particular relationship. There is a significant difference between a marriage relationship and a severed rope with a friend. In marriage vows we promise to hold dearly and care for our beloved through sickness and in health, through richer and poorer and through the good and the bad. But what do these vows truly mean? Do you honestly wholeheartedly believe those words? Now, we don’t promise those same vows to a dear friend and although maybe we should, the covenant between a marriage and friendship is different. Marriage is not only a covenant but a covenant with our Heavenly Father.
Unfortunately we as humans were created for a greater design, yet our instincts are out for ourselves. When you boil it down, the scary truth is we are only in it for ourselves. If you aren’t, than you have to continually make the choice to humbly serve our “brothers and sisters” of the world. The reality is friendships unfortunately are destroyed and marriages burn with affairs, addictions and utter disrespect. So the question is not what to do if this happens to you, the proper question is ‘how should you respond when this does occur’. It’s inevitable that you will travel through life without broken trust, broken hearts, and broken friendships. Unfortunately this is all part of the fall of man; the sinful curse.
The exciting news is there is hope. There truly is, you cannot change any person out there let alone to truly change oneself for the better. The only hope we have is in Christ Jesus. To some of you that may sound foolish, but once you have hit rock bottom and come to a honest reality of who you truly are, it’s ugly. We are all nasty people trying to save an extra buck, losing work ethic, purchasing items that are not healthy and beneficial for our mind and bodies, deserving you should be first in line or not cut off on the freeway and putting ourselves before ANYONE else! Christ calls us to lay our lives down as a sacrifice for our neighbor. Did you catch that? Our neighbors! How many of you know your neighbor and know them intimately? Probably not too many of us! When push comes to shove would you willingly lay your life down to the neighbor on your right? How about the neighbor on your left?
My neighbors seem nice enough, but I can’t honestly say I would lay my life down for them. I long to wholeheartedly say I would do this in an instant but I would be lying to you all. There is a few people I have no question, I would in a heartbeat. But the rest of ya’ll out there….I’m not so sure! This is a sad reality. I know each and every one of you have a beloved story to tell. One that would probably bring me to tears, others that would make me laugh with joy and in either case, having heard your story would make me want to do lay my life down for you! The transition needs to happen prior to any story I hear! I want that deep love of Christ that even the man who cuts me off on the road and slams on his breaks I would easily say “Okay, for you I will!”
Lets be honest, without the love of Christ there is NO WAY any of us would give it a second thought. But even WITH the love of Christ the battle rages and poses one to many questions to immediately talk yourself out of it. So here we are and we evaluate the true meaning of love and honesty. Those who hurt us we make excuses for, those we don’t know, we automatically judge, the high performers we speak poorly about. Insecurity after insecurity flows from our mouths and actions.
So how do we love our neighbors and how do we trust those who betray us? We aren’t always given the answers! Every scenario is different. But just remember when you aren’t walking with Christ, you must expect bridges to be burned. Good cannot sustain itself in a worldly environment. Remember there is a battle fighting for your soul, a real battle taking place at this very moment; don’t let the enemy win and conquer your mind and/or soul.
Philippians 4:6- Give thanks in spite of difficult circumstances.
2 Corinthians 10:4-5 – The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds…..taking every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ.
Colossians 3: 13- Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Acts 26:18- to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.
2 Samuel 7:28- Sovereign Lord, you are God! Your covenant is trustworthy, and you have promised these good things to your servant.
These are just a few verses that have stood out to me giving encouragement. We don’t have all the answers but we know that man is utterly deceitful and the only trust we have lays in the arms of Jesus Christ; hold tightly to truth. The power of sin is beyond what our eyes can see. There is so much more raging around us in spiritual warfare. Pricilla Shirer Said it like this “Every good gift, Satan counterfeits.” This is exactly the essence of our daily walk through life. Every positive step you take, Satan’s next five steps to ruin your one. Walk with the eyes of Christ, if you walked in this confidence you would constantly walk on Satan rather then allow him to walk on you.
God doesn’t tell us exactly what to do with every scenario we face. The basis I have seen is to still love your neighbor as much as you love yourself. God calls our focus to be on Him, so when those lies and deceit show up, KEEP YOUR EYES ON CHRIST. Take the next right step for God, not yourself or that person. God will conquer evil and already has. That doesn’t mean your marriage will be redeemed or your friendships healed, BUT it does mean, if you are seeking God and walking with Him in the midst of your pain, he will be gracious to you and bless you. Now what happens with the relationship is unknown but keep your eyes on Christ! Do not hold grudges, do not be angry and do not dwell.
Moment of Truth: This is not an easy topic and often doesn’t solve each individuals pain. All I can offer in the midst of my own heartache, is that Christ still gives me the strength and wisdom to get through the next moment and the next day. How that will look, is often beyond what I had envisioned. Trust your instincts when you are in the Word, but remember if you aren’t walking solely with Christ, be careful in trusting your instincts as we can make decisions based on fear rather than faith.
This is tough stuff…unfortunately my advice is even when a marriage is burned down to ashes, pray for healing, don’t give up. Walk in confidence knowing you did everything in your God given power to save your marriage. I do care about the heartache, but not when it comes to walking away. God will be faithful to you! You made that covenant before the Lord! He will bring healing whether your spouse walks away or stays. The healing begins within yourself, not them! Push through dear friends. (There are circumstances that simply aren’t safe, I’m not advising on these particular circumstances) Seek godly council and pray for wisdom! God will bless you beloved!
In regards to friendships, you must weigh what the Lord is pressing on your heart. Seek Him and ask for wisdom. Are you walking in Christ but still living in the places that the enemy reigns? If so, than run away from those broken friendships. God calls us to turn from evil and by turning from evil not only means placing your faith in Christ alone, but then by responding by walking down the opposite side of the street avoiding the roads the enemy tromps. You can’t walk down the same streets you walked before you came to Christ and expect different results. You must change your route, build new friendship, and seek godly wisdom not worldly advice!
I’m not suggesting this is easy, even as I share this with you all, I feel the battle fighting to not believe what I tell you. Living my life for Christ will bring about spiritual warfare but I must take my mind captive as the battle is out to destroy my soul and relationships around me. Holding tightly to God’s promises rather then my fear will bring about faith!
In Christ’s I place my trust!